An orgasm is when your body releases tension that builds up from feeling sexual pleasure. An orgasm can make you feel good and can even lower your levels of stress.
But feeling so much pressure to have an orgasm during sex that you need to fake it? That’s not fair to you.
Sex without having an orgasm can be pleasurable and fully worthwhile. Not everyone experiences orgasms or has an orgasm every time they have sex.
You deserve the space to ask for what you need in order to have an orgasm. Same goes for being able to say, “I’m not going to have an orgasm right now,” and not feel like you’re majorly letting your partner down.
If you want to have more orgasms during sex — and there really is no shortcut here — you need to tell your partner exactly what you need in order to do that. Yes, with your words. When something feels good, say it. When something feels meh, think of how it could be better, and say that. And if you want to stop before you have an orgasm? That’s totally fine, too!
Your partner is (probably) not a mind reader. It may be a big relief for them to not have to guess what you want.
It’s normal for orgasms to come on quickly, or for them to reeeeaaaaalllllllyyyyyyy take their time.
A lot of people with vulvas only have orgasms from clitoral stimulation — and that’s perfectly OK. Same goes for if you only enjoy vaginal or anal stimulation.
Don’t know what you want? Masturbating is one way to figure out where and how you like to be touched.
It’s your body, and its pleasure is for you.
One more thing: if your partner pressures you, or doesn’t want to talk about how you feel or what you want, it may be a sign that you’re in an unhealthy relationship. If you’re faking orgasms because you don’t feel safe, you’re not alone, and help is available. You deserve sex and relationships that make you feel safe, healthy, and happy.
